my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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