So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
These tits shall not be calmed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
