Tell her she can't have a vagina
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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