we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ladies don't puke and tell
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
