Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
