she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
