So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
