beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
