Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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