I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
