I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
