no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
