Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
