I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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