She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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