Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
