he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
