Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
