is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize