Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
two words: eviction party
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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