is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
