i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
