Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
