Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
