your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I showed him my bush... on skype.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
