don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
