Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
