They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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