Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
