Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
