Barsexuality is the new black.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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