if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
