So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Randomize
