I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
