Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
