I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
