WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
