just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
