She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
