What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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