You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
