Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
