Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
