Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
