Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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