I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
wow bdsm is so cute
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
