i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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