I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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