But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
