Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
