You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
