That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
