Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
