I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
