dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
