I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
