You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
