You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
