Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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