i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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