i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
