I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I didn't notice because vodka
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
