Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
