Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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