Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
