I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
How's work?
Spinning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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