Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
