we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
