Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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