he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
