Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
