Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
