Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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