Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
